The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
