I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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