remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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