I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
