If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
