I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
