I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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