I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
