So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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