And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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