I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
