So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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