He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
