I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
smell my finger.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
