he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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