Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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