Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
from now on my penis is your penis
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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