Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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