$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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