did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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