I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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