When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
