I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
