Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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