Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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