Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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