the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
