We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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