walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
