i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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