Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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