I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
