I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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