You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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