and you said cock pushups were impossible
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
