it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
