need another drink. this is the easiest way
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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