so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
