i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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