So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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