I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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