wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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