maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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