My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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