Soap is not a condiment
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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