so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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