So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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