Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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