I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What a dumb baby whore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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