I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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