Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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