So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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