Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
