I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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