You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
