Michael Bay diarrhea
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
