I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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