I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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