i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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