i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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