Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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