Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
