splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
