my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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