Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
