but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
