i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
