Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
