My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
