Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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