i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
