Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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