I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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