just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
