Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
