He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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