I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
