We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
