How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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