just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize