dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
