Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize