I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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