There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
